Last year, I 19 female now celebrated my 18th birthday on January 5th. In the Philippines, this is a debut, which is similar to kiniera. It’s a huge event for my family, especially since everyone was already together after New Year’s. I had professional photos taken for the occasion, but I also wanted a special picture with my cat on the special day.
I have a male orange tabby named Tang, who was once a stray and is now fixed. He’s a huge part of my life and I always keep him inside the house unless I’m with him. On my debut, I was looking for Tank to take that special photo, but I couldn’t find him anywhere. I started panicking because he’s an indoor cat and never goes far.
I asked my cousins to help me look for him, but it was difficult as there was a lot of orange strays in the area. Eventually, my cousin, 25 male, came up to me and said he had found him. He pulled what looked to be meat out of a bag and my heart dropped. I thought he had killed my cat. I completely broke down, crying and freaking out in front of everyone.
As much as I hate it, both dog and cat still get butchered for meat here, but hidden away from the authorities. As it turned out, my cousin was pulling a prank. What he had was rabbit meat to be cooked for my birthday. Rabbit meats also made me fully uncomfortable. I didn’t eat that dish. It looked like a cat’s anatomy and it freaked me out.
I found out that he had taken Tang to my uncles without asking me because my family thought Tang was getting in the way while food was being prepared for my party. I was furious. I yelled at my cousin, told him to return Tang immediately and demanded that he leave the celebration. He left. I was upset, but I didn’t let it bother me as Tang was safe. Fast forward to this year.
I didn’t want my cousin at my birthday party because of what happened last year and I made that clear to my parents. Despite this, my aunt insisted that I was being dramatic and said my cousin should be allowed to come. He showed up uninvited. I confronted him and told him again that he wasn’t invited.

He told me to take a joke and that it was in the past. I snapped and told him I didn’t never want to see him again. My aunt jumped in calling me a big witch and accused me of being narcissistic for making my birthday about myself. Isn’t it supposed to be about me? The argument escalated until my dad and granddad stepped in.
My aunt and cousin eventually left, but it didn’t end there. A few days later, my aunt started posting in the family group chat, calling me rude, difficult, and selfish, that I couldn’t take a joke, or that I don’t know how to forgive, and that I’ll be sent to heck. She claims I ruined my debut and this year’s birthday celebration with my behavior.
Am I the idiot for refusing to see my cousin after what happened last year? Edit: My mom sided with them, saying I should let it go. My mom and aunt are besties, although my aunt is my dad’s sister. I don’t even think I’m wrong. If it weren’t for my big debut gown, I would have brawled my cousin to death. Dad and granddad told me not to mind the nonsense that my aunt was saying.
Apparently, she’s been spreading rumors to the neighbors, too. I can’t handle it. Not the idiot. That’s so not funny. Making someone think their pet died. I don’t have a pet, but I would be horrified if I owned a pet and someone did that to me. Both your cousin and especially your aunt sound like idiots. Hopefully your dad and granddad are supportive of your decision.
On your birthday, you choose who gets invited. Yeah, your cousin and aunt are horrible people. I can’t understand how your mother could possibly defend them. Doesn’t she care more about you and what you care about than them? My dad did a prank somewhat similar to this on his adopted stepsister when she was a little girl.

They’re grown adults and she doesn’t talk to him anymore. One should always be ready to accept the consequences of their actions. That is a horrible, horrible idea for a prank. I would be inconsolable. OP, the people who are upset at you think they have the right to do what they want without consequences. They think they should be able to treat you badly and you should just have to take it. Forget that.
Block them where you can and kick them out if they attend places they haven’t been invited to. When my sister, 26 female, and I, 24 female, were kids, we hated each other. My sister was very hard to get along with, and she never had any friends as a result of this. She’s the type of person who always thinks she’s right and can never apologize or admit when she’s wrong.
As an adult, she still has no friends. She decided to drink the TRD wife Kool-Aid. She met her husband in college, got pregnant, and dropped out. They have four children under the age of eight together, and the youngest is disabled. I just finished law school, and I’m starting my career. My husband already has an established career and we’re dinks. Double income, no kids.
We don’t intend to have any children. My sister has historically talked down to us at family events. She says we don’t even understand what we’re missing out on. We’ll never know what true and unconditional love is, etc. Very condescending as always. Lately, she and her husband have been fighting. Apparently, per my mother, he has never let her access his income.
He gives her cash for groceries. The bills and stuff have always been in his name. Apparently, he’s been cheating, too. My sisters asked me to watch her kids on the weekends so she can save up money to be able to evaluate her options, aka leaving her husband. When she came to me and asked this, I asked her, “But isn’t being a traditional wife your calling? You’ve told us this several times.
You must have forgotten, but traditional wives aren’t supposed to work.” I kind of laughed at how she explained that maybe being a trad wife isn’t for her after all. Eventually, I just shut her down and told her that she picked this life, which she’s always insisted is superior to mine. Time for her to learn to deal with the problems that come with it.
My parents can’t watch her kids because dad is at work on an oil pipeline and mom’s too old to be working the hours she’s already working. Our other relatives don’t live close enough to do it. She also asked my parents to move in with them and my dad shut it down. He really can’t stand her kids. Am I the idiot? Not the idiot for not wanting to watch her kids, but very much the idiot for being smug about her current situation.
You can say no thank you without rubbing the puppy’s nose in her mess. You don’t need to explain why you don’t want to watch your kids. No is reason enough. And be like, “Good luck figuring it out.” Yeah, this is the thing about tradives. When it works, it works. But when it goes wrong, which is not uncommon.
One side has all the leverage. Some women get infatuated with the idea of being subordinated and taken care of, but they don’t consider what happens when 10 years later, their trad husband looks for something young and pretty to dominate, and they have no money, no job skills, and three kids. OP, you are the idiot. Not for not watching the kids, but you accusing her of looking down at you is kind of ironic.
You are equally condescending from your words above. And it takes a lot for me to defend a trad wife. She’s being abused. She wants a way out. You can’t help her. And the options for a way out of this are running low. If she’s asking for help from a sister who hates her, I, 38, male, have been married to my wife, 34, for 7 years.

We have four kids together, aged pre-tween to kindergartener, two boys and two girls. My wife and I got into a pretty big argument recently, and I need unbiased opinions. I feel like I’ve always been closer to my sons rather than my daughters. You know, I’m a boy. I like boy stuff, and so do they. I don’t like princesses or dolls, so I’ve always gravitated towards my sons because we have more in common.
Anyways, the argument started after my wife had put the kids to bed one night. I was lying down and she came into the room and confronted me about what my daughter had just told her. According to my wife, as she was tucking my daughter into bed, she started crying and asked, “Why doesn’t daddy like me?” My wife told me that the kids noticed how I treated them differently and I needed to stop acting like I hated my daughters.
I told her, “I don’t hate them, but we don’t have anything in common.” She was angry and started yelling at me about how I was being immature. I think it’s stupid. Obviously, dads are going to be closer to their sons. That’s just how the brain works. I tried explaining this to her, but she just didn’t listen. She left.
I think she slept in my daughter’s bed. I’m not sure. So, am I the idiot? I want my wife to understand what I’m saying, but she’s not listening to me. So, your daughter as a young pre-tween has already picked up on the fact that her father dismisses her and her interest and makes no effort to find some common ground or mutual interest they might bond over.
Or that he’s incapable of occasionally feigning his interest in some of the books or toys she likes. Probably because he worries that his precious masculinity might take a hit. Yeah, it sounds like you are the idiot. Just wait for an edit where he will blame his selfishness on autism or some other diagnosis he doesn’t have. He comes across as nothing more than a misogynistic jerk who doesn’t care that he makes his little daughter cry.
What a man. Jesus, dude. You’re a parent, not a friend with your kids. What you have in common is completely irrelevant. You’re supposed to love your child and support their interests. You are an extremely selfish man and your wife has every right to be angry and think that you’re being immature.
OP, you just failed spectacularly. Update: I’m the wife. I found this post because I went into our room to get my charger. He was asleep, but his laptop was still open. First, I can assure you this is not fake. Here are a few other things my husband has done that he conveniently left out of his initial story.
My daughter started crying to him about if he didn’t like her, not to me. She only came to me when he didn’t care. My husband has taken our sons on multiple vacations without our daughters using my money, I might add. My daughters were told it was a boy trip and no girls were allowed. He refused to do both of my girls daddy daughter dances this past Christmas because he thought it was stupid.
I dance with them instead. He tried to make my girls clean up their brother’s messes because it’s a girl’s job to clean. I could go on for hours. I want to give everyone some more context. My husband works from home. By working from home, I mean that he’s completely unemployed. I’m the sole bread winner for the family.
I’m a doctor. I take sole responsibility for caring for the kids. He does literally nothing. I bring them to all of their sporting events, school events, appointments, etc. Ever since we had kids, he’s been detached from our daughters. He used the same excuse he said in here. He’s a boy and doesn’t like girl stuff.

It’s pretty hard to not get along with small children. They quite literally will do anything. My daughter would go run through mud if it meant she could play with her dad for 5 minutes. Seeing how much she yearns for a relationship with him is heartbreaking. This is not super important, but my daughter loves boy stuff.
She likes fishing with her grandpa. She plays video games with her brother. So, the excuse of her not liking boy stuff is dumb. He just doesn’t like his daughter. A lot of people are probably wondering why I married him in the first place and why I haven’t divorced him yet. To answer the first question, I was young and stupid. I ignored red flags and have now ended up here.
I’ve put off divorce for so long strictly because it’s hard to get a divorce. I’m riddled with student loan debt, so I really couldn’t afford it while taking care of four kids. This might have made me an idiot for not leaving sooner, but I’m done now. This has sealed the deal for me. I’ve been crying all night thinking about my daughters.
Not only them, but I know my sons are not being treated right either. My young grammar schooler has noticed how his father treats his sisters, which makes him sad. He’s offered his spot on vacation multiple times so that one of his sisters can go, but his dad says no. I’m done with this. So, when he wakes up tomorrow, he will be told to leave my house that I own and that he will be hearing from my lawyer.
I’m not putting up with him or any of his crap anymore. I love my kids more than life itself. Tomorrow morning, I’ll take all four of them out on an ice cream date while he packs his things. No limit on how much they can buy. They deserve it. Thanks for showing him how stupid he is. And thank you for going to bat for me and my children. Have a good night.
So proud of you. I was reading this the entire time thinking, “This woman is a married single mother. This idiot would definitely not be doing anything around the house if he has an issue with a tutu.” You’re right. Getting a divorce is hard. But what’s even harder is staying in a one-sided marriage with a complete idiot while you watch him damage your children.
From what you described, it sounds like you’ll be going from being a single mother with five children to having only four. What exactly was he bringing to the table? Yeah, go nuclear. He needs therapy and parenting classes before he’s allowed near those children again. I’m so sorry your children all understand that this man does not love them equally.

Do not let him have visitation until he’s done therapy and parenting classes. Hopefully, family can help, but it sounds like you already do so much of this entirely on your own. I wish you the best of luck and love for your little family. Also, my sister suggested applying for debt forgiveness for student loans. My dad, 47, got married to Deb, female, 40, a few months ago.
I male nearly adult live with my grandparents just like my dad did before he moved in with Deb and her four kids. I didn’t move with my dad because I didn’t want to uproot my life again which we did a lot after my mom died and I didn’t want to deal with the headache that’s Deb’s oldest son. I don’t know all the specifics of Deb’s son’s male teens issues but I know that he’s a case worker and that Deb gets all these services for him.
To summarize everything, he has issues that make him angry and issues with authority that make him violent. He doesn’t like school and doesn’t like to sleep. He prefers staying up playing video games all night and doesn’t like when that can’t happen. He doesn’t want anyone in his space and is territorial about everything.
I met him like six or seven times before I said screw it and refuse to go meet up with them. He basically terrorizes his younger siblings and his mom. My dad’s being terrorized now, too. Ever since the wedding, Dad has tried talking me into moving in with them. I told him, “No way.” He asked me why I didn’t want to live with him.
And I told him I wasn’t dealing with Deb’s mess of a family. He said they’re our family now, too. And I told him they’re his. He chose that, but they’ll never be mine. And I told him there’s nothing he’ll say to change my mind about it. He told me they could really use me in the house and I could be a huge asset for the other kids and I could bond with them and help keep them safe.
He told me their safety is a big concern right now and Deb’s trying to fight for her older son’s right to get a placement for some kind of help instead of being thrown into some other kind of help that’s not helpful and makes kids like him worse. He told me I have a duty to help the younger members of my family stay safe.
I asked him why that was my duty and why he thought his new stepkid safety was my problem. I said I really don’t feel obligated to keep them safe. He signed up for it. I didn’t and I won’t sign up for it. Dad told me this is the kind of problem we take on when we become a family.

I reminded him again that they were not my family. He made them his and I’m choosing not to make them mine. He said that means that he and I are family too. And I said, “If that’s how he takes it, then yeah.” Then he said he was disappointed in me for dismissing the safety of his stepkids. I told him I was disappointed that he wanted to put me in that position to begin with so we could stay disappointed with each other.
Am I the idiot? Not the idiot. So your dad thinks you should step up and be the superhero in a sitcom where he’s the lead. Who knew family dynamics came with the side of not letting the stepkids eat your snacks? What OP’s dad really wants is a new punching bag for his stepson, so he leaves the other children alone.
You made the right decision to stay with your grandparents. You have no obligation to his new family. You’re almost a legal adult. Go live your life and do not get pulled into the disaster that your father signed up for. He sounds like he wants you to help him navigate this new burden and be some co-parent to these kids. Run.
I would think your dad would be grateful that you’re in a safe situation, which means that’s one less concern. But I think he wants you there to be a free babysitter who also serves as a bouncer. Nope. I find it funny that parents literally get married and expect their kids to accept the mess they make.
At least marry someone that adds value to your life, not more chaos. Sorry for debt, but not your problem. Exactly. Not your problem. Ideally, Deb should send the teen to boarding school, probably a military boarding school, for his sake and everyone else’s. Failing that, he needs to have the video games taken away from him.
And if he threatens the safety of the family, get sent to Juvie. It might be too late for some tough love, but it’s the only thing that might do anything. [Music]